Equipoised Upon Entry

How you can you be?

It’s really easy to get lost or drown in the noise of January. Despite tons of historical, ecological, astrological, and psychological context that suggests human nature would be better served resting, hibernating, and rooting down during this time of year, the society that we inhabit is set up otherwise.

Apparently, it’s go time.

So as we’re going, and let’s be honest: most of us are going, can we be sure to bring ourselves with us wherever we’re headed?

ˈEquipoiseˈ (e·qui·poise | ˈe-kwə-ˌpȯiz) defined as “a balancing of forces” is my word of the year.

Since the forces that be can often feel like the very ebb that disrupts our natural flow of being, I have committed to focusing on what I can do with what I have from wherever I’m at to make that as least painful as possible. Because, if we’re being real, contorting ourselves enough to only serve to others the palatable parts isn’t just exhausting, it’s excruciating. So the more I sit with, breathe with, and listen to the pain that surfaces whenever I find myself doing that, the more I recognize that being the whole of me is the only way I will survive the path forward, and I think that to be true for all of us.

To get to an ultimately liberated state of mind, if even possible at all, we have to do so being the most us we’ve ever been. Not just because radiating authenticity feels good, which it does and is reason enough to try it on for size, but because the more us we are the more expansive our experience of this wild, wondrous, and wicked life becomes.

I don’t mean to say that we should explore and invite our parts into everything in a way that dominates and we become so attached to our identity that we use it to bypass discomfort. When I say we should be “more us,” I mean our true essence. I mean the witness of the MANY fragments that make the whole. I mean the real us. I mean the us that knows there isn’t enough nuanced understanding in the world to fully conceptualize all that we are. I mean the us that we are when we’re not trying to be anything at all.

Because pretending, masking, pushing, striving, climbing, and clinging definitely heed results and allow for progress – but in which direction?

When we take a deeper look at our parts, and I mean all of our parts, we can see and sense that in their complex nature lies a direct use for all of the parts of life we will encounter.

Some of our parts are prickly; they may bring forward feelings of fear and/or courage. Others are slippery; they may feel thrilling and/or dangerous to engage with. Some are sticky; they might highlight feelings of stagnancy and/or safety. Some are fuzzy; they may awaken feelings of comfort and/or confusion within us. Others are icy; they can summon feelings of separation and/or strength. Some are squishy; they tend to make us feel frivolous and/or adaptable. Others are smooth; they can enliven feelings of balance and/or boredom for us.

When we open our hearts and minds enough, we are able to see more clearly that as multidimensional beings our elements are neither good or bad; they just are. And that realization helps ground us in the reminder that all of our parts are worthy of love.

It is challenging to do this when entrenched in environments that aim to detach us in order to serve what is perceived as a greater - often capitalistic or individualistic - purpose. A lot of that we cannot control or change due to circumstance, and that does not have to mean that we cannot control how we show up in the confines of said restriction. We cannot allow ourselves to be so numbed by constant stimulation that we ease up on our path to equanimity.

Through mindful interventions like intentional movement, reading, meditation, journaling, artistic expression, time with nature, and time with love, we can call back the self-awareness needed to be present. And with that presence, we can walk ourselves back home to center. And from that center, we can reach our goals and embody our intentions with an honesty that makes room for all that will arise along the way.

When we inevitably fail, if we do so as our true selves, we will fail forward. When we connect with others, if we do so as our true selves, the connections will feel more aligned. When we must embrace change, if we do so as our true selves, we will remain steady.

So as you brave this new year, with courage amidst chaos, remember to keep asking yourself along the way “who am I when I’m not trying to be anything at all?” and allow your answer to be your guide.